Xena: Beyond Thunderdome

My mom broke her leg last week (more on that later), and in the meantime, I am babysitting Xena here in Oxford while Mom transitions from hospital to home. Xena isn't overly aggressive or anything, but a 75-lb dog unexpectedly standing, sitting, or deciding to sleep on you can take your breath away whether or not you recently had orthopedic surgery.

You have to understand that Xena is a high maintenance dog (and this is coming from me). She wants attention ALL THE TIME. My parents call her "the velcro dog", and it's not because she's incredibly useful. Xena does not entertain herself very well - in her mind "play" means somebody else is immediately available to (a) throw the ball (b) hold the chew toy (c) observe with rapt attention while Xena destroys said ball or chew toy. And as a 75-lb. attention-seeker, Xena is very... persistent. Point in case from this morning: there are few things as disruptive as having a Doberman repeatedly shove her nose under your left elbow while you are trying to work on the computer. She is, you might say, "difficult" to ignore.

I had a few toys at my house for her, but Xena has systematically destroyed all of them. As I figured out last night that she was not "chewing", but rather eating the last one standing, I had to confiscate it from her, distract her with a piece of "Pupperoni", and then stash the mutilated toy in the freezer where she wouldn't smell it.

Today in desperation I went find some more toy victims. Dobermans have what you might call "powerful jaws" (even cowards like Xena), so most toys don't survive "playtime" for very long. There are standards that have to be met. I found 3 or 4 that should last a day or two. I will bring them out in stages, but the first was this rubber squeaky ring that cost less than $2. She went nuts over it.

Please do not judge the cinematography (or the condition of the house, as it has been Xena-fied. These are, in fact, different clips. I wish there were audio not only of Xena's barking and yowling at the ring but also of the ring's rather distressing death knells. Shout it out: "Two men enter! One man leaves! Two men enter! One man leaves!"







The ring lasted less than an hour before she broke through the plastic (and started ripping pieces off and swallowing them, of course). I had to take it away from her, and she knew I put it in the garbage. (See her pitiful camp out in front of the cabinet.)


This is why we use the freezer.